Main characters: LCDR Tom Glover, “Chaps” (a Southern Baptist Chaplain), and a disgruntled helo pilot.
Approx. Date: Summer 1988 (when the deployed Navy was still all male)
Scene: USS Forrestal (CV-59), Persian Gulf. 100 degrees F, 100% humidity
Flight Ops: Final recovery of the day. I’m flying the last night tanker, a KA-6D. Thankless job but somebody’s got to do it. Flight and recovery are uneventful. My B/N “Ouzo” and myself “Dog” head to the wardroom to grab a bite to eat and cool off (hopefully) before retiring for the evening. The wardroom is busy for the late hour. Notably, one of the ship’s Chaplains is sitting with us. “Chaps” just happens to be a Southern Baptist.
Enter the last recovery’s SAR Helo pilot. For those guys, ‘air conditioning’ meant flying around with the doors open. This guy was hot – melting hot. He grabs some tepid ‘bug juice’ (Koolaid) and heads for the ice machine – which refuses to provide any ice. After trying 3 or 4 times to get ice, he unleashes a colorful stream of invective which would have made a Chief Petty Officer blush. I was impressed – as the VA-176 Maintenance Officer I had heard the best ‘cussers’ on a daily basis.
Finally, Chaps had had enough. He arose, walked over to the offending ice machine and the cussing helo pilot, and calmly asked him if he’d ever seen a ‘laying on of hands.’ Helo guy stops cussing, says “No, I haven’t”. Chaps says, “Well, I’ll show you.”
Chaps leans over to the ice machine, puts his hands on the back of it, mutters a few unintelligible words, shakes the machine, and simply says out loud “Heal!” Then he invites helo guy to try again. Helo guy promptly gets a full glass of bug juice with ice, apologizes to Chaps for his language, and departs the wardroom.
The wardroom was deafeningly silent for a few minutes. Finally Chaps says , “C’mon, guys, the machine has a switch on the back and I just turned it on.”
Gotta love those Jacksonville Southern Baptist Chaplains.