“Develop and Employ an X System”
There are a lot of things you don’t want your children to do – especially when they have siblings – that they are going to do. So, you need to have an easy and effective way to correct/punish them. We developed the X System which proved to be a marvelous behavior management tool.
Below you will find an example of an X chart. On the top of the chart, are listed the most common potential infractions that a child might commit. I chose to divide the infractions into three categories: Improper Actions with Adults, Improper Actions with Siblings, and Property/Duty Offenses. It is a weekly chart, so you provide check boxes for each potential offense for each day of the week.
At the bottom of the chart, you list the punishment (“earnings”) that a child will receive based on the number of Xes they earn that week. The first X is a freebie. After that, there is an increasing toll of consequences. The X charts should be posted somewhere in the house that is easily accessible. (We posted them in the little computer room next to the kitchen.) When a child commits an offense, you calmly say, “Ok, that is an X. Go mark it on your chart and let me know how many Xes that makes for you this week and what your punishment is.” There is no argument about what the punishment should be – that has already been established in advance as being fair and reasonable.
I don’t think any child ever received more than 8 Xes in a week and that was Rob. We have a note in our files somewhere written by Rob at age 6 or so saying that he was running away from home because he so hated the X System. That was a clear indication that the system worked.
What was so astounding to me was the currency that an X developed. The very threat of an X held huge power. For example, if a child came to me and asked me to reconsider a decision we had made (usually Coco made and I backed her up) such as “Can I spend the night at Lauren’s house tonight?” when we had already decided “no” because it was a weeknight and the child had a lot of homework to do, I would ask, “Are you re-opening a closed case? You realize that’s an X, don’t you?” “No, Dad, I didn’t mean it. Just forget it.” The child would then dash off before I would have them add a new x to their chart. So much power from the mention of a single letter of the alphabet!
There is one even more significant value that can be garnered from a well-established X system. “Katherine, if you will wash the van and clean it out really well, then I will remove your most recent X.” “Oh, thank you Dad.” Any parent who fails to employ the X system will be missing out on one of the most effective tools ever developed for child control and behavior modification. Note: it is important to customize each X chart for the individual child both in the potential offenses and the appropriate punishments. Also, they need to be modified as the child ages.
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