Next to finding the right mate, raising your children well is, in my opinion, the single most important function you will do as a human being. There are thousands of books on child raising. Determine which are the best two or three, then read and utilize them. There five things that I consider essential to raising children well. With this post, I will identify two of them.
Always present a united front.
Never allow your children to get you and your spouse on opposite sides of an issue. When a child comes to you and asks permission to do something, ALWAYS ask, did you talk to your mother/father about this? If they say yes, then ask what the response was. If the child tells you something that is even remotely reasonable, then tell them that you agree with your spouse, even if you don’t and then go talk to your mate and get the full story. If after you and your mate discuss it, a significantly better alternative is determined, then let your mate – the first one asked – modify his/her decision. The key point is never to contradict your partner’s ruling to your children.
Teach them how to work.
This is one of your most important duties as a parent and not many parents do this well. If you do this well, it will be one of the greatest gifts you can give your children. Note that as of this writing, Katherine, Rob, and Sophie are all very successful entrepreneurs who work for themselves. That did not happen by accident. Coco and I invested a lot of time and effort to teach them how to work and it has paid huge dividends for them and for their families.
To make this happen requires a significant amount of foresight, planning, organization, and consistency. But if done properly, the children will do much of the domestic work that needs to be done and thereby will save you as the parents from having to do it. (The worst thing you could do is pay outside help to come in and do work that could and should be done by your children.)
Your first step will be to develop a list of all the possible tasks that could be done by children. This includes work inside the house, outside the house, with the autos, and with pets. The following is the list of jobs we came up with when we were living on Whitehaven. We identified 43 different jobs that could be done by children. There was one chart for INSIDE jobs and the second for OUTSIDE.
You want the child to do more than simply attempt to do a job; you want them to do the job right. For some jobs you will need to provide a detailed check list of what it entails. (Those who served in the Navy will recognize this was derived from PMS checklists.) Below is the job description for cleaning the inside of the van. There was a separate check list for cleaning the outside. If applicable, begin by providing a list of tools or supplies needed to do the job and make sure the tools and supplies are available before you assign the task.
Such things as making up one’s own bed or keeping one’s room picked up and in good order are not special jobs; they must do those things or face an X.
For a child to be able to do fun stuff, they must earn a minimum number of work points the prior week. Therefore, you need elements of the system to track and account for the work by each child and ensure that they do what is necessary to have the privileges that they want. We did everything on a weekly basis though we did allow them to carry extra points forward to the subsequent week. (In my archives, there are other elements of the work system that we created.) This should be enough material to help you develop a work system for your children.
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